Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
