we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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