i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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