I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
