No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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