Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
