Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
