i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
