At least make sure they are 18
Why
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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