Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
