He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
