Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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