she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
