oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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