I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Less talking, more tequila
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
