He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
