dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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