she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Two words: blizzard sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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