we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
