I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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