apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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