he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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