it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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