yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
