Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
