what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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