On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
