Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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