Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
