u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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