were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
