Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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