I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
