Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
