u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
