Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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