I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
