i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
