guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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