I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
