we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
