No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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