Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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