I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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