Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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