Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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