I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
