he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
