I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
