i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im six kinds of drunk right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
