New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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