someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
