i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
