Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
