shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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