get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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