i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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