Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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