Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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