wrigley field is MILF paradise
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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