8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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