I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
God, I missed his penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
