Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
