im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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