I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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