When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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